


Glass Houses

by SanguineSarcasm



Category: Naruto
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Healing, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:42:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27171247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanguineSarcasm/pseuds/SanguineSarcasm
Summary: They say that those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. But looking into Naruto’s eyes, all Kakashi wanted to do was watch his glass walls shatter and let the shards fall where they may.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Namikaze Minato, Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto, Namikaze Minato/Uzumaki Kushina
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	Glass Houses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! More angst, like you needed it. This story has very deep and mature themes, from dub-con to explict retellings of sexual abuse. This is the first chapter, which is a really brief-ish retelling of Kakashi’s feelings up to this point. This chapter is pretty heavy, so be warned. The story will continue on with canon after this chapter. This is also ‘most’ of the facts, but Kakashi’s opinions will change. They are going to change so much, because he is constantly healing and progressing (or regressing in some cases). Specifically, Minato will have a varying and evolving portrayal and he will be demonized just as much as he will be loved. This is ultimately, a fic about healing and the journey to acceptance. It was inspired by something similar in my personal life, but my experiences most likely varied from others. So please, don’t hate me. If you are upset by this story, quit reading and move on. Also, the numbers in lines like this (-1-) refer down to the bottom for lines of a song that this chapter was influenced by. I put the numbers there so as to not disrupt the flow of reading, but so you can see some of my symbolism! Some, but not all of the chapters will be like this. Thanks for reading, SS.

-1-

I never questioned my relationship with Minato-sensei until Orochimaru’s misdeeds came to light. In the wake of the sannin’s abrupt flight from the village, one of his former genin finally blew the whistle and revealed his heinous deeds. They were many, ranging from human experimentation to conspiring with Root, but one especially stuck out. He had molested his entire genin team, manipulating them until they knew nothing else and wouldn’t dare speak out against him. Anko, who was left barely clinging to life after trying to convince her sensei to stay, revealed the most disturbing fact of all.

He was kind to them.

He practically raised them, comforted them, kissed their hurts away, and became their refuge in the whirlwind of shinobi life. So when he crossed the line, they didn’t think anything of it because this was their sensei, their beloved teacher, their home. And as Anko sobbed out her grief, I felt my heart shift darkly.

-2-

When Obito died, my team’s dynamic changed. Where I could pretend that the war was outside of Kohona, and the village was a safe refuge away from those nightmares. After that mission, however, I couldn't. Obito’s death had turned every inch of Konoha, once bright and vibrant, into an ashen grey that wouldn’t wash out no matter how many times I tried. Minato, being the kind, caring soul that he was, pulled Rin and I in closer, smothering us two in the absence of his third.

-3-

That’s why when Rin died by my hand, it crushed Minato. Having lost not one, but two of his students and left with the third, who he practically raised, but was broken beyond recognition. My fragile glass heart was ruined, with ugly cracks and gaps seeping my grief. Minato, much the same way, pulled me in closer, too close, to repair his aching heart. But where my heart is glass, his heart is sunshine. It may be dampened by the clouds, but that is only temporary for it will come back all the stronger. And it was for that dazzling sunshine that I let him shelter me, let him smother me, let him use me to ‘heal’ him. “No one will ever understand like me, Kakashi. It’s okay, just let yourself feel for once.” So I did. I let myself be swept up in his light and forgot my better judgement. I fell for that light, shining in through all of my cracked glass walls, and became addicted. Some days his love was the sunshine of a pleasant morning, speaking of lazy, loving nights in his bed. Other days it was the burning sun of a desert, reflecting through the shards of my broken glass heart. He angled these shards with a cold calculation, concentrating his wrathful love like a magnifying glass on an ant, and leaving me burnt in its wake. His light, as harsh as it could be, kept the cold of my foggy grief and anger at bay, and I knew that I couldn't do without. I knew he loved Kushina, but I never questioned why he loved me in the same way as her because I was afraid of losing the only thing keeping me warm. That’s why, when Kushina announced that they were having a child, the cold started slipping through the cracks of my fragile heart and settling into my bones.

-4-

As Kushina’s pregnancy continued, Minato’s light started slipping away from me. I tried to recapture it. At Minato’s behest, I joined ANBU. I did anything that he ever asked of me, and the light beaming from his eyes from his approval gave me a reprieve from the gloomy chill sunk into my bones. When I was assigned to guard Kushina, it wasn’t just for her safety. Minato wanted me close. Kushina must have known his motives, for he would call me away on urgent business, only for me to come back an hour later, limping, with bruises on my hip bones from the edge of his desk. These were my happy times, for I could feel his light the strongest then. However, those were just as much Kushina’s darkest times, for the object of her husband’s infidelity was staring back at her with naive eyes. I could have never been as strong as her, to take all of my offenses and still treat me as the scared child I was. I felt some level of guilt, I’m sure, but it was overshadowed with the hope that I wouldn’t be rejected and abandoned as soon as Minato’s child was born. When the day came, I could have never predicted the pain I felt.

-5-

When the barrier surrounding the house rose, I knew that my walls would break once more, for the final time. I disregarded that, and fought to get back to my sensei. As the Kyuubi appeared, I fell to my knees, feeling the cracks in my heart slowly widen. I rose, and did my duty, only to catch sight of the Kyuubi’s claw pierce Minato’s chest. I felt my walls, which had been slowly cracking, shatter at once, every inch so littered with cracks that my glass heart was now opaque. As I approached, seeing the screaming infant, I knew my glass heart wouldn’t last. So I built stone walls around my glass heart. The light wouldn’t get in, but that was okay. The only source of light I cared about was gone, and I was content to wallow in my gloom, dreaming of the summer skies contained in two eyes and the warmth of the sun in yellow strands I caressed with my hands on his gentler days.

-6-

My stone walls never failed me like my glass ones. They lasted many years, all without a single crack. Many things tried to pry away my bricks, chisel away at my mortar, and dig underneath my foundations. But my walls were solidly set, extending into the ground. This meant that I couldn't move, but I was okay with that. The icy fog was everywhere and moving wouldn’t change that. I continued in my career in ANBU, racking up kills, reputations, and jutsu. I waded through the deepest of human sins, carving through the dark to eliminate targets, but the Dark just flowed back together, breeding more monsters. Seeing the depth of humanity’s depravity, a tiny voice would always say “his light wasn’t of the sun, it was corrupted by lustful greed” but I refused that voice and continued my fantasies of summer eyes and sunlit hair.

-7-

I was forced out of ANBU, for it would ruin me. That’s what they said at least. Didn’t they know that nothing could penetrate stone? Blood, pain, and tears simply ran off; that’s why I was the best. I was told to soften myself, to take a break and teach those who would bring the world back into light. I laughed, for I was too entrenched in the darkness to ever resurface. And what good would softening my stone walls do? They were the only thing holding me up, and nobody would ever want to see the wretched thing that I had become in the absence of any light. It was then that the realizations about Orochimaru came to light. Suddenly, that voice that I ignored for years, and had turned away in shame and guilt was back. It forced me to rethink my entire life, reevaluating every memory of blue and gold, until the sinking horror overcame me. I had been used. The village had used me my entire life, but this was a personal affront, one that was stained deep inside me and was rubbed into my skin until its taint would never come out. This became my main reason for failing students. Failing them was less of a chance of my pollution poisoning young minds. They were better off having a different sensei than to ever make contact with spoiled goods such as myself. And so, I failed every genin team I was given. The teams wouldn’t have worked anyways, but still.  
This strategy worked until I was told I must pass a team. If not the whole team, then one lone student, for he could not fail. I understood then, that the village was dragging me, one of their bloodiest tools, back into light and wanted to clean me and reuse me. However, I am too cracked, too damaged, and too stained to ever be mistaken as anything but a tool of destruction. I watch their attempts, and I decide to play along. Ironic humor is the only reprieve from the cold I get. As I approach, three hours late, I wonder who else I will add to the list of ‘Failed’ this year. As I slid open the door, I let the eraser hit me. Better to give the hopefuls some mirth before I shatter their dreams forever. As I feel the impact smell the puff of dust, a much deeper impact takes place within me. Summer eyes and sunlit hair combine to cause my stone walls to groan under their assault of memories. Surprise flits over my features before I speak, telling the genin to join me on the roof.  
It hurts. Watching his features twist up in laughter as his child mocks the Uchiha. I speak up quickly, for the sooner this is over, the sooner I can shore up my walls and prepare for the next day. I give them nothing about me, old habits die hard, I suppose. Then come my ‘students’. A fangirl and the object of her crush, the Uchiha. Typical, really. I try to drone them out, as I refuse to teach them. Then comes him. He has the look of those tainted sunlit memories, but none of the coldness I learned to associate with them. He opened his mouth, and I knew that I would never have to fear him. He is too much like Kushina to ever do what he did. The only thing he would have to fear is me, for my tainted soul still longs for that sunshine even as it carries the burns from it. As he nears the end of his speech, I drag myself out of my misery. I listen long enough to catch those five words. Five words that freeze my heart even in its stone walls.

“I’m going to be Hokage!”

Deep within me, a spike of fear drives its way through me and my impenetrable stone walls, letting in a singular pinhole of sunlight once more.

-8-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me! I hope you stick around for the next chapter where we get to see some interactions between our sun and moon bois. Also, big shout out to the KakaNaruKaka discord for helping me fight this chapter into submission!  
> Lyric Lines!! (Song is Earth by Sleeping at last)  
> 1-i dig ‘til my shovel tells a secret, and swear to the earth that i will keep it  
> 2-i brush off the dirt, and let my change of heart occur  
> 3-sold soon after the appraisal, the hammer struck the auction table, louder than i’ve ever heard  
> 4-fault lines tremble underneath my glass house  
> 5-but i put it out of my mind, long enough to call it courage  
> 6-to live without a lifeline  
> 7-i bend the definition of faith, to exonerate my blind eye  
> 8-until the siren sounds, i’m safe


End file.
